NO SURGERY!!!!

Luke's MRI was this morning.  Everything went well.  His ventricles have not enlarged very much since his last MRI so that is great news.  The fluid around his brain has also slightly decreased - which is great news. 

When we were on our way to the hospital this morning we were resigned to accept whatever happened.  I said that my first choice would be that they would say that his ventricles haven't really enlarged, we'll keep an eye on it..no worries.  And they essentially did. 

I also was worried that they'd find something new or different wrong.  I didn't want one more thing to worry about.  Dr. Limbrick (super awesome surgeon) took us to show us the MRI scans.  As he was showing us, I noticed that it said that he has damage to his perisylvian area.  Some types of PMG have that word in it.  I've read about kids with damage to that area and thought that we didn't have it.  Well, I thought wrong.  His is damaged and has been all along.  So there's not something 'new' wrong, just a little more damage than we knew about.  It is an area that has a lot to do with language development (from what I understand) and we already knew there was a problem in that area. 

When we first found out about Luke's diagnosis, I still had a small, secret hope that they'd do his MRI after he was born and come back to us apologizing profusely for messing up because they were wrong.  I was on the fence about starting this blog because I was hopeful that I'd have to quickly shut it down with a 'Whoops!  Sorry, the doctors were wrong...didn't mean to worry everybody!'  Then I'd think that, fine, if he had to have this stupid PMG then maybe the damage wouldn't be as extensive...maybe it was only on a small portion of his brain...not almost the whole thing.  But I guess it doesn't matter.  It seems like no two kids with a PMG diagnosis  - even if it's the same - are doing the same thing or progressing the same way.  So another little piece of puzzle isn't really life altering here.  I just hope it's the last piece of the puzzle and there are no more unknowns out there.  Maybe these are the stages of accepting a PMG diagnosis?? 

So our good stuff - it's what we like to focus on!!
1.  NO MORE SEIZURES!!  (Dan WILL be knocking on wood when he reads this.  Wouldn't hurt if you did, too, please!)
2.  In the last week or so, Luke has REALLY seemed back to his old 'self'.  Really back.  He's pretty much always happy (except around doctors...he doesn't like anybody in scrubs!).  He's eating great.  He's making lots of progress! 
3.  We have AWESOME doctors and care from Children's.  I've 'met' some people already through this blog and other support groups. I've learned that we are so, so lucky with the exemplary care Luke has received and will continue to receive.
4.  You guys.  As usual.  You're the good stuff.  Thanks for all you do to support us.  We have had a relatively easy ride so far - busy, but things could be much worse.  It's nice to have you all here for us for whatever life throws at us.
5. And of course...this has nothing to do with Luke...but the Cards in the World Series.  Obviously, that's the good stuff!  Now if only I could pretend like I was going to stay awake throughout the game tonight....Go Cards!!

Hanging in!!

Luke had a really good week!  No more seizures!  He seems to be adjusting to his medicine well.  WHEW!  Every day that passes without a seizure helps us to breathe a little easier.  We so appreciate all the sweet words and phone calls this week.  It helps us so much to know that people are thinking about him and pulling for all of us. 

We met with the neurosurgeon this week and I just wanted to give you a little update on that.  First of all, I didn't think there would be a need for an update.  I thought (as my sister in law says) we were just going in for a 'meet and greet.'  Not so much.  There is no huge alarm right now but it was disappointing.  I thought we knew all that was wrong with Luke's  brain.  And we might.  But we might not.  Basically in a nutshell (since I keep writing these short novels!!!) the surgeon is concerned enough about the enlarging ventricles to order another MRI sooner than later.  He thinks there might be another problem in Luke's brain where there may be a blockage not allowing the spinal fluid to pass through therefor causing the enlarging ventricles.  Both problems are correctable...surgically.  BUT no one is saying that we are anywhere near that now - or (HOPEFULLY) ever. I think that I have been telling myself that surgery wasn't really ever a possibility so it was a little bit of an eye opener to me.  Thankfully Dan went into the meeting more realistically so a level of calm was maintained!

The great news is that the day we have the MRI we will also meet with the surgeon and should have our answers.  He said at this point, best case scenario is we go in for the MRI and not much has changed and we come back for another in 6 months.  So that is what we are hoping for.  After having a little time to process, we're glad that he's getting this MRI sooner than later because then we know that he is being monitored closely and if the ventricles are enlarging enough to become a problem then it will be caught quickly.  The problem is that the signs that the enlarging ventricles are a problem are the SAME as the side effects of the medicine and the aftershocks of seizures!!  So it's really a blessing for our peace of mind to get this MRI quickly. 

The MRI is tentatively set for October 28th so again we wait...I should have called this blog 'Waiting'!!!  :)  Honestly, right now our biggest concern is making sure his seizures are under control and at this moment in time they seem to be. So we are very happy! 

This fall has been a little bit more difficult than we anticipated.  We are very lucky to have understanding employers, caring and concerned friends and a loving family to get us through.  We continue to celebrate the fact that Luke is doing far better than we ever expected.  We'll update more after the MRI!  Fingers crossed for another 6 month waiting game!!!!!!

I started this way earlier today.  Since then I found out a good friend's son had a major seizure today.  There are major and minor ones.  To every parent, seizures are major ones.  But I need to remind myself often and be thankful that we have only really had minor ones so far and hope that it continues that way.  To all the families out there who are experiencing any kind of seizure or worrying about the probability of a seizure...our hearts go out to you. Thinking of you J & hoping you are all resting well tonight...

So far, NO good....

One of the scariest things about this whole PMG diagnosis is the seizures.  We were hoping (duh!) that we'd escape that aspect of PMG.  No such luck.  Now, even with medicine, they are unfortunately increasing.  Luke had two seizures over the weekend.  I say that with sad confidence even though we didn't witness either one. 

When we first brought him home, I was terrified.  Babies are so jerky and weird!!  EVERYTHING looked like a seizure to me.  There were a few dark weeks when Luke was going through a particularly jerky period where I had my camera out every two seconds trying to capture his 'seizure' on video.  I've said this in a previous post - we were told that we'd just know.  And there is so much truth to that.

After his first seizure we purchased a video monitor for our peace of mind.  We love it.  It's been super helpful.  Sunday morning I glanced at it after hearing some noises and saw that he was sitting up.  I went in to get him up and noticed that it smelled in his room.  Upon turning on the lights I discovered that he had thrown up.  So this is where I have realized my life has totally changed.  My mind instantly went to, 'Did he have a seizure??'  After his first two seizures he threw up.  So of course that's where I go.  I tell myself to stop being psycho, crazy mom (I tell myself that a lot these days) and that he probably has a stomach ache.  Toddlers get the stomach flu and right now, in our house, WE GET EVERYTHING. 

Dan and I got him cleaned up and watched him carefully throughout the morning.  And the gut instinct kicked in - he was super sleepy, pretty irritable and slightly off balance.  He fell asleep in the car about an hour and a half before his nap and then napped again that afternoon.  Not good.  We decide to play it cool - he's on new meds, we have to give it time, could be a reaction to the medicine....

We know one of us has to sleep in his room.  We also wrote down what happened just in case it started to happen more frequently.  If it happened again we were going to call the neurologist to get his take on the situation.  We are trying to keep track of any unusual behaviors/sleep patterns just in case the medicine isn't agreeing with him.

And then comes Sunday night.  This time we are both awake and I'm not in his room yet.  Video monitor is sitting beside Dan and we see it all occur - well not the seizure because unless you're looking at his sweet little eyes, you can't really tell.  Luke got sick and we flew up to his room.  He wasn't even able to lift his face out of it - saddest and scariest thing I've ever seen.  After we cleaned him up I was holding him and he was really lethargic.  He would look at us after we called his name several times.  He could stand on his own but only for a few seconds before he'd start to fall.  Gut instinct kicks in.  Again.  And for us it confirms both seizures at once.

We called the neuro on call at Children's.  Can I just say how very much I love Children's?  The neuro on call (I can't remember his name - I was a little stressed) was awesome.  He listened to what happened and said this fancy word that I am too tired to look up right now about post seizure behavior - we're going to refer to them as aftershocks.  Eventually we got him back down and I spent the night in his room and Dan spent the night listening to and watching the monitor.  Luke slept well...

Today Dan stayed home with Luke.  It was really hard to leave him but I've missed a ridiculous amount of work this year already and I knew he was being well taken care of.  Luke was pretty sleepy and definitely not himself this morning.  Two naps (on a normal day he only naps once) into the day and he was pretty much his old self.  Whew.

We spoke to our neurologist's office and they are upping his meds.  They said it might take awhile to find the right dosage.  I asked the nurse what we could do to figure out if he was having a seizure at night since he doesn't tend to move around during a seizure or make noises. 

"You're just going to have to watch him carefully."  Hmmm....goodbye sleep. 

And that is what we're doing right now.  We are on high alert and I'm trying to make sure I look at him closely every time he moves. We gave him the new dosage tonight and of course we are hoping that it is the magic fix.  We will see.

We are trying to figure out the right balance of trying to take care of one kid while not forgetting to take care of the other.  Last night while we were trying to clean Luke up, Ben was yelling for us from his room.  We finally let Ben get up and be with us because we wanted to make sure Luke was fully alert before we would let him go back to sleep.  Ben was full of hugs and kisses for all three of us.  He knew things weren't right.  The other night Luke was crying really hard for some reason before bedtime.  I was with Luke and Dan was with Ben.  Ben told Dan, "Daddy my eyes are wet because Lukie is crying."  He is so sweet (and wild, but that has nothing to do with this) and I hope we figure out a way as all of this passes to make sure he's getting his due attention, too. 

And we continue to take it one day at a time.  I hope and pray that the seizures don't hurt his development.  I hate, hate, hate giving him this medicine but know that at this point it is necessary.  It would be a lot easier if he could tell us how it was making him feel.  He does seem to be tolerating it well and doesn't seem to be having any ill effects minus the whole thing where it's not stopping his seizures yet.  Grrr.

Thanks in advance for all your prayers and positive thoughts for Luke and our family.  It means a lot to us.  Fingers crossed for an uneventful night and for the meds to kick in strong!! 

Lots of love.